Is life cheating on us?

This topic was tweeted and inspired by my twitterbuddy @joskidiesel (check her and her blog out: www.joskidiesel.blogspot.com, grand with words) and so I wanted to give my brief take on the subject, since it can be interpreted in so many ways. My first thoughts were along the lines of disappointment and how people make the mistake of losing hope and blaming life's external circumstances for their mishaps, then i thought relative to a notion that this "life" thing is just a mirage and all that we know is not reality, but then I started thinking way off on a tangent lol. Ultimately I concluded in belief that life is rather "faithful."

To say that life is cheating would mean, to me, just the same as in a relationship, that you have been committed to "life" and have given it your all, yet it chose to ignore your efforts, betrayed you, lied to you and cheated on you, which is simply impossible. We are the creators of our fate, therefore life is what you make it. Your life can only be lived by you...who would life cheat with? Death? Hmm, we'll save that for another blog lol...

We need to pay more attention to the law of attraction, which explains that everything in our lives we attract to us, the good and the bad, and that it is in our control to receive the things we want out of life. Life and you are ONE, so in that, if you think life has cheated you, you have basically cheated yourself. Do yourself a favor and believe that life is fatihful, you will then see how dedicated it is to you!

More of ME!

Take a further glimpse into my world lol! Ok, this picture was of my wall-o-collage at my old place, which is a direct reflection of my mind's chaotic peace :-) and thas not even half! So...I came across some pictures of these works and HAD to share with you. Below is one of favorites. Again, it serves as a personal reflection and motivation, but also hopeful inspiration to YOU! Hope you likey :-)

Randoms of the mind...

I wasn't sure what to call this little excerpt, but it was written a lil while ago while my mind was in a state of lost, lonely and sorry, yet loving, secure, happy, forgiven and peace, all at the same time if that's possible lol. I embrace all sides of things, and though I acknowledge when bad is bad, I seek to dwell always in love, positivity and optimism. This lil piece is a reflection of feeling both sides, each extreme, yet still content in it all...

Loving nobody and everybody
not loving anybody but myself
selfless and selfishly
giving all and/or nothing
locked up loose in the embrace
of the give and the take
swimming in a sea of souls
surrounded by loneliness
you see me, im out of sight
left in direction, tho always right
empty yet full to no capacity
absorbing every evaporate
starving with the hunger of plenty
longing for more of less...

'09 sometime...

(to be continued?)

I Think in Color...

I think in color
Every hue that is u
That is me, he, she
Every chroma of aroma
Making up a spectrum of beauty
A variety of mixes and matches
Complimentary and opposite
That come together in spiral
Perfect harmony
No tint to faint the tone
Beauty in the unknown [black]
Tho seen beyond the light [white]
Again, I think in color
Not in its refection or absence
But in its whole
Pantone soul
Sketches rich and bold
With strokes across my heart
Roygbiv and his counterparts
A rainbow in her art
Can't tear the two apart
And so I think in color...

1/27/10

Collaging: My niche!

If you know me and/or are getting to know me through my few blogs here, you'd know or gather that I LOVE to collage! Most of the time I use magazine clipping and a gluestick, very cost effective, GREEN (recycled mags, come on, I deserve major points for that alone lol) and hands on...sort of like a combination of graphic design and crafts, which is sooo LaNoya :-)

I've always been pretty crafty and abstract, and after doing a few collages years ago (and even some in my youth, I'll post some of those too), referred to as my "vision boards" per my knowledge of "The Secret," and finding a deep appreciation for how motivating the pieces become, also how freeing the experience was for me, I fell in love with it! I've now been specializing them and sort of dedicating a theme to them, which I'm lovin as well.

I want them to serve as the voice of me to those who can relate, just as any other artform aims, but through a not so common medium. Yes, I do paint, and draw, and I'll probably share some of that as well, but these collages are filled with utmost passion and so I HAD to share. I also intend to create prints to further share with all those who appreciate my vision and expression. So here's to you another of my masterpieces :-)

I'll call this one Hot-Sexy-Cool

Felt lovey dovey...

I can be such a mush :-) Anywho, this poem is old, but so fitting of the moment. I had a brief and random desire to be kissing passionately on a beach under a pink and orange sunset...then conveniently enough, upon organizing my computer files, I came across this piece...how time flies and love changes...enjoy!

Every minute I spend with you
is a minute all worth my while
you make me smile
when i don't want to, cliche
you make me feel this way
you know i love you
no need to ask
not a day to pass
where I'm not reminded
not blinded,
aware of what cant be changed
much more than strange
crazy, deranged
in love with love itself
the love I found in you
nothing like how you do
how charmingly you
didn't have to tell me to
I willingly gave it to you
my heart
to keep safe and secure
a love not perfect, but pure
and I cry because I know its true
sincerity shines through
your eyes and mine
no matter how hard I try
this love is more than real
past what I can feel
because it is now a part of me
though sometimes confused
feeling abused or used
regret and upset, yet
there's promise, and bliss
nuff hugs and kiss
i love feeling like this
you bring it all out and more
though I hate to adore
I try to ignore
I cant deny
it makes me cry
I really love this guy
inside and out
complaint and pout
just a little spoiled
so I always want more
but i think you are enough
at your utmost self...

(possibly to be continued)

3:10am 4/11/08

Lets dream to let love!

Can I have a few minutes to dream? Though my thoughts already span beyond your wildest, I want to dedicate some time towards a specific dream, the biggest and most powerful dream that we all yearn for, love. And no, I don't mean to fall in a heavenly bliss with the man or woman that inspires your infatuation, but to look into and outside yourself to reveal the core of your being and existence. To allow yourself the ability to see more than disease and illness in the hearts of man and instead discover love.

As an descendant of Africa, conformed here in America, I admit to being a victim of a cycle that we have yet to break, and that's of hate and blame. I admit that I get angry and caught up in moments of pride, despise and revenge, but I know my soul is not one of such plague and that I am a lover before anything. My ancestors blood run through me, that of warriors who stand tall full of fight and animosity, but also that of peace and unification. We must all recognize the unfortunate and self inflicted ways of ailing direction and seek balance, seek understanding, seek love.

We have the CHOICE to dwell or not in the past and its influence on our present and future. We have the CHOICE to point the finger at a civilization that used and abused our people instead of pointing the finger at ourselves for continuing to invest in such energy that only promotes anger and pity upon us. That change is ours to take control of and exhibit. Ultimately, we have the CHOICE to stop looking down upon those of us who don't quite understand this battle and to help them reach a level of harmony in their souls and eventually come together in that spirit. Dr. King would not approve of our current state of affairs and what we dream about today as a people...dreams of retaliation, racism, greed and ignorance...the matter at hand is no longer about who did it, why, and what we must do to "get them back." Our focus should be to "get us back" to being a people that does not depend on handouts but to reach our hands out to each other, and not just to our own, but to all of humanity, sincerely with love.

Love is easier said than done in the hearts of man filled with hate. We are a divided group of people which goes totally against Dr. Kings preach for unity, not only as a culture, but as an entire nation. Closed minded motives seem to take precedence because one still holds upset towards our downfall, but again we must pay more attention to the choices we make which have influenced, encouraged and fueled that continued treatment of our people. When we wake up and smell the love that already exists within us and begin to spread it, my dream is that it becomes contagious and infects everyone! Again, it starts with self, individually as well as culturally. There's no love to share if it doesn't exist in you/us first.

Just like any other dream, it cant become a reality unless there is action. The foundation of this dream starts with self. We must first begin to think beyond race, because although King's dream was inspired by our neglect, we must not let the present day neglect continue a hate driven fight against anyone. Its not a matter to fight against, but to love towards. The generations after us need an infrastructure to build upon and right now we are building on shaky ground. Lets begin to set better examples, lets become an enlightened people, an educated people, a loving people...lets dream to let love!

Moments Like These...

As I sit and watch the clouds float by
I remember why
I love, I give,
I live,
for the little things that mean a lot
and for a second I almost forgot
what it is and what its not
and to appreciate what I‘ve got
This life thing is supposed to be fun
and I know I’m not the only one
who sits in the sun
gazing into tomorrow despite today
simply searching for the way
and I say
everything will be ok
Another beautiful moment in time is due
you know, like the way we used to
a life of peace and ease
feel the breeze
and never forget moments like these...

9-24-07 3:39pm

Thank You (Fantasy)...

Since we were on the subject of sex, I figured I would post this poem I wrote a while back (2 years ago actually) and happened upon on my computer. Enjoy...

Thank You (Fantasy)

This moment...
I fully condone it
include my mental
be gentle...
you romance, I dance
proceed, take lead
ignite my fire...desire...
so right tonight
perfect timing...grinding...
galvanize my insides
devour my power
I'm captive to how active...
u make it feel so real
seduce my excuse
fiend for my in-between
satisfy my inner thigh...
and do so, nice and slow
then pick up speed, i need
you...to...
perfect my neglect
stimulate and activate
all the me that can be
invite...entice...
don't show, just go
arouse me, wow me
intimidate my masturbate
satisfy my cry
then...when...
i cream, scream...my dream...
my fantasy, reality
now true...thank you

12/28/07
around 4am

The Making of Love...

SEX SEX SEX! Yeah, got your attention with that didn't I lol. It is indeed a universally interesting topic and one of the ultimate expressions of love, intimacy, lust and nature. I titled this blog (and the collage piece attached) "The Making of Love" because sex is sometimes confused with love, but at the same time they coincide with each other. Since collaging is basically like piecing together a puzzle, the title works in that we "love" to make...sex lol (and love too but you catch my drift). The collage itself is not only a reflection of my sexually inspired thoughts, but most likely yours as well. You'll notice the center piece, which is a woman's silhouette made up of BLACK body parts to represent the focal and driving force of sex. The inclusion of red represents love, lust and passion while the words themselves describe that as well. I love this piece and am very proud of it because I think it encompasses freedom and power through sexuality and is also my largest collage to date. I tried to make this picture give it some justice, but take some time to examine the piece in all of its parts as you would a lady ;-) I hope you love it as much as I do. And please feel free to comment and/or feed me back...Peace!

2010 is my friend!

Happy New Year folks! Ok, its the 6th, but I had to give you a new years shout to start it off right, especially on a better note than the blog prior. I'm all about love in 2010, though I'm always about love :-) I just mean that I want to encourage as well as exhibit all things positive into my life and in reflection of my being!

Ok so here's something I wrote 2 years Ago as the new year (2008 at the time) approached, but I found it interesting that everything I said still applies. Feel it, feel me:

Just a year and 4 months ago, which seemed to fly by so fast, I took a leap of faith and moved to Atlanta, GA, one of the biggest, most courageous things I've ever done in my life...and alone at that. Upon first moving, I cried my eyes out thinking of everyone I would miss, and as time passed and I became adjusted, I also acknowledge how homesick I was, but in that I realize it wasn't home (the place, because home itself will always be there) that I missed the most, but more so the people; everyone dearest to my heart, the friends and family that I will never forget. Yet, in the same thought, I gained motivation to seriously pursue all that I felt valuable and meaningful in the life I wanted to build for myself, hoping that everyone would be with me every step of the way in soul and spirit, serving as much needed support. I have now become quite comfortable here, despite anything that has tried to deter my direction of positivity and new beginnings. I'm not saying Atlanta will be my ultimate "home," but its worth thinking about. To be honest, that decision all boils down to finances and what Atlanta can truly offer me career wise. For now, I dig the relaxed hospitable feel of Atlanta, the welcoming spirits of the people in general, at least the people i chose to surround myself around. I just want my friends to visit me, get a feel of the city, and hopefully find some inspiration to move, if not here, somewhere where they can expand on their goals and aspirations, versus feeling stuck and/or not being brave enough to chase their dreams. I know the courage it takes to leave all familiarity, but that is the beauty of the experience, trust me. Life will always dish out its blows, but we must never forget the time we should take out to breath and let go of all the stresses that often distract us from where we really need to be in life.


And now, its merely the 2nd month into the new year, and my optimism and prayers have set me on a new path towards more productivity that all I can do is embrace. I feel it deep down inside that this year is going to be a great one for everyone, as long as we are true to ourselves, true to our goals, and remain in an appreciative, blessed and grateful spirit, all of our desires will prosper this year! Its time for change and I feel it coming, I'm welcoming it, for I am very hopeful and open to the new possibilities that God (and I) have planned as a part of my life. As each day passes and new memories are created, I take time to reflect on who has been brought into my life and for what reasons...I am appreciative to have EVERY SINGLE PERSON that I've met, and more importantly those that remain, because you all have helped in some way shape or form to create and further masterpiece the making of me! Positive or negative influences, they all equate to the necessary laws of attractions, aligning my desires with reality.

Again, let's focus and make 08 GREAT in the most memorable and life changing way possible. Let's do more networking and less hating on each other. Let's recycle more black dollars and show appreciation for the skills in others. Let's let go of grudges, letdowns, and anything in disagreement with our paths to success. Let's grow up and really take care of ourselves and responsibilties. Let's say no to things that we second guess and trust our first minds, our inner voice, our daimon. Let's remember to spread love and tell loved ones how we feel each day. There's no better time than the current to make a change towards what will ultimately make YOU happy..."Headed in the right direction, I can see the light of day. I've got faith and intuition, there's no need for me to be afraid..." India Arie lyrics that popped in my head and seemed fitting for the moment (I hope everyone that knows the song sang that aloud as did lol)....on that note, peace, much love, and prosperity for everyone reading this! Lets get get get it!!!

"Its been a looong, a long time comin', but I knoooow, change gon' come..." another fitting song (Sam Cooke) lol...peace! :-)

Ok, so there's my long ass New Years spill, which inspires me each time i re-read it. Below is also a collage I created when I was in LA for the Holidays...you'll find that I LOVE collaging, its so liberating for me, it always feels like the perfect pieces to my puzzle of thoughts. The clippings are from some random magazines i found at my Granny's house and they all speak directly to me and my 2010 outlook. I took the color out because my lighting sucked and so did the picture i took, but i wanted to share it anyway and I actually like it in black and white, it enhances the message versus the look. Anyway, enjoy, peace and many blessings for you in this new year!

My mother's child...

So, 2 days ago my mother called me and said she was in the hospital, later (yesterday) finding out that she could possibly have cancer on her ovaries. After hearing that my heart dropped and anxiety took over. To ponder the possibility that my mother could die was naturally my first reaction, but it just didn't feel like death to me. I cried my little tears and let my mind get consumed in thoughts of her life and her pain, but there was still a part of me that would not allow myself to completely dwell in that energy.

Today the doctor called and told me that my mom does not have cancer and that she had a fibroid tumor and did not need a hysterectomy...nor chemotherapy for that matter! All I could do was sing my praises and count my blessings because that confirmed that God is in and surrounds me all the time, the possibility of extreme dismay couldn't even reach me or my mother. Naturally I was a little down and did not expect my new year to begin with such tragic news, but the fact that the news revealed opposite just reaffirmed how great the year will be. This was immediate motivation to first encourage a healthy mind, body and spirit, but to go hard without distraction. Last month sparked a sense of self and inspired the expression of such, which translate to spending some true time and dedication to my dreams and goals. There's definitely an energy that I can feel and I recognize it around me as well. I'm jumping in wholeheartedly and ready to open every door. The possibilities are endless and my happiness is infinite!

I digressed a bit, but um, I want to dedicate this blog entry to my mother. You only get one mother and without her, I would not be here and Lord knows I absolutely love life and am thankful for every breath. I thank you Nadine Trammell for giving me life and I live because of you and your blood runs through me. Our bond is strong though distance, but the fact of the matter is that no matter what, I love you and...well...thats it because nothing else matters.

Whose Blog is it Anyway?

Introducing...MY BLOG! This has been an internal thought waiting to burst and splatter itself all over the worldly web, which is a smaller world than "real life" making it a closer bond than we think, but in that, I can appreciate the circle I keep and hope to expand it relative to the ultimate embrace of love, life, and liberty! I like to think of myself a BIG thinker forever yearning to express myself, I mean I am an artist, but there's always so much more to say! Hopefully this blog will allow me those freedoms to display my thoughts in the most passionately, intellectual, fun, stimulating, sophisticated, frank, sometimes profane, possibly erotic, most of all tasteful and imaginative sides of ME! If nothing else, you will likely learn more about my mind and vast delights.

I humbly anticipate that I will interest you enough (or if not, screw you dude *tongue out face lol*), but I'm here to share my life, my lifestyle, my questions, my answers, my likes, my dislikes, my loves more than anything, my friends (that would be YOU :-) ), my culture, my interests, my flaws, my perfections, my knowns, my unknowns, my creativity, your creativity, my frustration, my humor, my reality...which I'd say and I'm told tends to be rather interesting. And I'm not just saying that cause its me, but "at the end of that (most overused phrase of 2009 lol)"...Whose Blog is it Anyway? :-)

On that note, Welcome to La La[Noya] Land! Now that you've joined me, love me most of all, but live and dream with me too!